Some of 2023's biggest news stories centered around the threat of recession, AI’s pop-culture takeover, and the usual bickering between politicians. But one storyline should stand tall among drinkers from coast to coast: Hard seltzer is legally beer. And we can thank two (of many) lawyers for taking the proceedings to some level of pseudo-late-night-show parody in their quest to outwit each other.
When Anheuser-Busch InBev (ABI) and Constellation Brands went to battle in the Southern District of New York over the legal definition of “beer,” Sean O’Shea and Sandra Goldstein provided the kind of lighthearted legal maneuvering that could only come from beer-focused litigation. At stake: whether Constellation had the right to sell Corona Hard Seltzer under an agreement with ABI that allowed Constellation to sell the Corona brand of beer in the U.S.
Along with verbal wordplay one might expect in the opening statements of a courtroom drama, O’Shea and Goldstein used visual aids—cans of beer and hard seltzer—by pouring them out to show to the jury how yellow beer looked different than clear seltzer.
“Over the next two weeks or so, my adversaries over at this table are going to do everything they can, bend themselves into pretzels, to convince you that up is down, that black is white, and that this stuff here is beer,” O’Shea said while gesturing toward a poured-out seltzer. (The jury would eventually rule that hard seltzer is beer—at least for the purposes of the lawsuit.)
Every year offers plenty of serious news, but it’s the light stuff that can make for a lingering smile. That’s why we’re happy to raise a glass of beer or seltzer to O’Shea and Goldstein, for reminding us that even in moments of legal and financial consequence, there’s some fun to be had.
Words,Bryan Roth